Here is again, Christmas Eve, surely the one day of the year when incipient joy and presently-occurring exhaustion go traipsing merrily hand in hand through the mal at 11:00 at night as everyone tries to find that last minute gift for that last minute relative. Rather than expounding at greater length though upon the humorous and all-too-predictable situations which can arise in such an environment, allow me to instead trot out another old yuletide chestnut, which other writers, many more adroit than myself, have bated around before me for quite some years. I am referring, of course, to the fine and worthy tradition of bitching about how you can’t say Christmas anymore in the public discourse.

It is, of course, almost needless to point out all the traditional ways that our modern society of oversensitivity seeks to scrub the reason for the season from all communication, from Holiday Trees, to Winter Break, to the fact that Happy Holidays has, in certain sectors, so eclipsed more meaningful salutations that to nowadays to even utter the words, "Merry Christmas" is an act of an almost conspiratorial nature. As I said, none of this is new, and I therefore ask your forbearance, gentle reader, in permitting me this occasional foray into the realms of politics and curmudgeonitude (the two of them oft being more closely entwined than either is wont to admit to).

First off, a brief observation from my time in Mongolia (you know, I have always hated those people who go abroad and then act as if their travels have given them some magical and vast insight into everything under the Sun; should any of you see me becoming such a creature, do not hesitate to send me the most scathing of comments, I will take them to heart immediately), that there are, in the entire nation, something like half a dozen Christians; everyone there being Buddhist as a general rule. Nonetheless, just about every store, restaurant, and many a home, proudly bear banners emblazoned with the phrase "Merry Christmas." Amazingly, no one seems to be offended, no monks go about being scandalized at the insensitivity of their Christian brethren, the government sees no need to intervene on behalf of tolerance, indeed, to wish someone in Mongolia "Merry Christmas" is as noncontentious an act as may be imagined, save perhaps for commenting favorably on the badassitude of Genghis Khan. What is more, in China, a nation where Christianity itself is largely outlawed and those who adhere to it are flung into prison more often than not; yet even here, "Merry Christmas" is to be seen everywhere, usually even in English. In short, it would appear that those backwards fools in the East don’t even know that they should be mortally offended at the evangelical spirit which has so deviously infected their nations.

But back to the States. You know, never have I personally wished anyone a merry Christmas and had them react with offense. Now, it is possible that every single person I have ever thus spoken to is merely a Christian, or if they are otherwise that they merely bore with enviable stoicism the degradation of being publicly wished to enjoy a holiday of another religion. But I think it is far more likely the case that individual men and women (who are almost without exception far wiser in their dealings than governments and other such committee-infested things) are simply good enough to know that even if they are not Christian, I am offering the best of wishes in the finest of spirits, rather than engaging in a bit of cavalier Christmas imperialism, as the myrmidons of political correctivity would have us believe.

And also, can we please just ban the phrase "Happy Holidays" from the English language? It once was meant to bear good tidings for both Christmas and the New Year, but now has been stretched so far to contain the meanings of every conceivable celebration regarding the Winter Solstice that it has become virtually meaningless other than as a byword of banality. Indeed, I would infinitely prefer that a Jewish fellow would wish me a happy Hanukkah than that he merely offer me a happy holiday for fear of offending. Hanukkah is, after all, most likely a day close to his heart and of great import to his faith, and for him to wish me a good one demonstrates an incalculably greater measure of good will and brotherhood than does any catch-all saying bereft of any real meaning.

And to all of you who might go about this time of year, whatever your ostensible religion may be, just hoping that someone will, in the best of spirits, commend to you a good day in the tradition of whatever particular faith their people observe, only so that you might take umbrage at them and mount up upon your high horse of tolerance whilst truly proving yourself the most intolerant of wretches (not that any such person would be reading my site here anyway, I suspect), then only know that you are in truth, the worst of creatures imaginable so far as Christmas is concerned. Even Scrooge, old miser that he was, was not offended by Christmas so much as he merely considered it a waste of time, an unfortunate belief which has the lone virtue of being honest with itself. Far more evil is the idea that by squelching the souls of those who wish you nothing but the best, delighting in it, and all the while pretending that you are somehow the noble one in your little morality play of lametude, is indeed immeasurably more reprehensible in each and every way; to you, I have nothing to say, but "Merry Christmas!"

And to y’all who happily have escaped this modern cancer of the soul which plagues so many among us, take heart and do not give in, but rather rebel against the demons of the day in what has long been proven the most efficacious of means, by ignoring them at all times except for when actively making light of them in snarky blog columns and other such shout outs to the world at large. Be sure to tune in tomorrow then, as I shall be back away from politics and more in the proper spirit of Christmas.