As I do most days, I arose bright and early this swampy Tuesday morn, opened my window blinds to take my first look of the day at the dank and miasmatic tarn which sprawls languidly across the street from me and then settled in to check my fan mail (I did this, not the tarn; it doesn't even have dial-up) which pours in from around the world as numbers of readers up to and including 5 or 6 read my daily musings.

This was no ordinary day though, this was a red-letter day if ever there was one in Blogland (don't worry about mapquesting it, you're better off not knowing where it is).  Today, you see, I got my first slutty E-skankmail on myspace.  I knew in a moment that I had to save it, like an exquisitely trashy faberge' egg, or like an exotic, yet whored-up dragonfly in amber, that I might mock it tonight at my greater leisure. Alas, twas better that I had siezed the day this morning, for upon my return home this evening, I found that my slutty message in a bottle had vansihed as suddenly as it had arriven.

Was it deleted by some moderator with a sense of decency?  Or snatched away by the capricious gods of the internet who had unwittingly shewed it to me in the first place?  Did I dream the whole ordeal?  Or was it just one of my friends pranking me, like some damnable Ashton Kutcher, punking my very E-soul?  That is a question I shall leave to wiser and more inebriated men than myself.  What follows though, is the body of this brief and sultry missive, which was so recently seared into my living memory (name changed to protect other friends I have who have the same name as the mystery skank):

"Hey Babe, you're kinda cute and I thought I'd send you a message.  I'd really love to get to know you better.  Check me out on MSM or AIM sometime, my name is Lovelygurl69.  Love and kisses, smooch, smooch,
                                                         Buckwheat Bertha"

See what I mean?  I think it was the 69 in the screen name that really put it over the top.  If she'd just used a regular, non-dirty ho name, like "SweetThang87", or "AgnesCthulhu2" or even "Banthaface821"  I would have been torn between my natural suspicious nature and my nerdy desperation to have a girl find me attractive, not writing this blog, but rather a horribly different one about the futility of the hoop-stick game (there, there, I'll do that one tomorrow) But as it is, I knew right away, like William Howard Taft as he stepped into the bathtub, that this would not end without incident (William Howard Taft and the Bathtub Incident, by the way, would be a totally sweet name for a band).  And so here I sit, lost in my reverie, wondering what it all meant, where she came from, and if it wasn't just Tom getting back at me for denying his friend request (Sorry, man, I didn't you that you were the household diety of myspace at the time).  When all is said and done though, I suspect that I haven't heard the last from this, E-Skank of the Mist....

(If you're a skank, or just wish you were, feel free to send me tantalizingly unbelieveable messages anytime; I promise to take them way too seriously and make fun of them at the same time)