So, today happens, in case you weren’t keeping track, to be a red letter day if ever there was such a thing; a day on which the very nature of the way in which our race looks upon the universe changed forever.  Why is this a date of such particular historical significance then?  Not just because it was the 7th recorded perihelion of Haley’s Comet, nor even because it’s the anniversary of the patent of the rubber band (known as the gum band in Pittsburgh and as the circle of the Prophet Mohammed in Nebraska).  Nay, it was upon this very day, one year ago that I first started my blog back on myspace.  Of course, back then even I knew not that there would ever be such a thing as teacupmammoths, but even then, I was already taking on the forces of evil in the world that all those other blogs run by those fat cats in Washington were afraid to deal with.  In this particular instance, the object of my ire was the secret connection between Gomer Pyle and Captain Marvel. 

Not to be implying things, but two days after I originally published my little exposé, both Gomer Pyle and Captain Marvel disappeared from the public eye and were last heard to be living the secret lives of hula girls in Vatican City, Iowa.  The very next day, I made fun of a number of totally unfunny comic strips, and but a single week later, Marmaduke was found mysteriously dead in his Central Park penthouse (he has since been replaced by a half dozen midgets in a shag carpet).  By the end of the week I had thoroughly made fun of Anakin’s whiny dark side angstiness, and before the week was out, critics all over the world agreed that Darth Vader started out as a sissy of intergalactic proportions.  Let’s take a little stroll down memory lane then, and see what other mighty empires have fallen before me:

On June 5^th, I brought to the attention of all the world the hazard posed by my one-time roommate Krazy Kevin.  Almost immediately after reading of this, the UN swung into action, sending none other than Hans Blix to Kevin’s ferret-infested tenement, where it was determined that he was indeed a weapon of mass destruction, and as such was told to cease being so darn crazy if he didn’t want to have sanctions imposed upon him.

On June 28^th, I first brought to the attention of the human race the horrible threat of Spanky, Lord of the Mole people.  Not losing a moment, our government declared a state of emergency and sought to capture, if not destroy this menace to superterranean civilization.  Unfortunately, Spanky dressed up as a desperate housewife (Martina van Buren) and escaped north of the Mason Dixon Line, where he was quickly appointed a tenured professor at Harvard, before getting kicked out for putting one of those sandworms from Dune in the Dean’s office.

On August 14^th, I passed along a tip sent in by astute reader Scott of the Antarctic, that when you ride alone, you ride with Hitler.  Thousands of readers worldwide quickly mobilized to keep Hitler from bumming rides and leaving snickerdoodle crumbs all up in their glove compartments and whatnot.  By the end of the month Hitler, tired of riding the bus and pedaling around on his Nazi bigwheel, was compelled to buy a Prius, thereby saving all America from having to suffer through his chronic automotive flatulence.

September 12^th, I first decided to make Mondays fun by writing about all the stuff I thought of that’s not quite funny enough to write a whole blog about.  In response, Monday suddenly became cool so cool that it got its on TV show and developed an $700 a day ham addiction before almost killing Oprah and going into rehab.

And finally, on November 9^th, I made fun of Jumanji and Zathura.  In a precision missle strike the next day ay 0600 hours, both movies and Robin Williams were destroyed by the Israeli Air Force, thus making the world a little bit safer.

So there you have it, just a few examples of how the world hath been changed for the better by teacupmammoths.  So keep on reading, my various and sundry homies, together change the world one narf at a time!