I bought some new cargo pants, because if there is one thing that brings me joy above all others, it’s being able to hit myself in the knee with my cell phone every time I take a step. This time, however, I foolishly went with the classy brand, and saw that they were sold not as pants, but merely as a cargo pant, which is totally whack, because if there is one thing that should always be plural, it is pants. And monkeys.
I’m gonna name my kid Marco, so that from an early age, he’ll hate going to the pool.
At work, we got some new polo T’s to wear around the site. Mine is red though, and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from Star Trek, it’s that if you wear a red shirt out into the forest, you’re darn well gonna get all the potassium leached out of your body by a cloud or a horta or something, or at least have to fight a bunch of freaks to keep the quatloo economy alive. I wish they’d asked me before they ordered, I’d rather have gotten a blue one, cause they come with a tricorder, a bowl-cut, and the Vulcan Death Grip.
If I ever start a company that sells baby food, I’m gonna ditch the baby and put a picture of Robocop on the jar.
If you happened to be both a carpenter and a harvester of wheat, and wished to advertise your services with an appropriate logo, you would probably be severely confused when all your customers turned out to be communists.
Did you ever notice how in movies anything containing radioactivity has to have a big nuclear symbol on it? And not just like, official American stuff, but like things built by mad North Korean scientists and stuff. No offense, but if you really want to be considerate of people, then why not just refrain from building a hellish engine of destruction in the first place? Try building a nuclear-powered Easy Bake Oven or a nuclear sundial instead.
I want to start a barbershop quintet, because I bet we’d totally pwn all those other guys who had one less dude on their team. Especially during the steel cage match.
If you were both a Jehovah’s Witness and a vampire, I bet you’d be severely conflicted on the subject of blood transfusions.
I want one of those Superman shirts, but with two S’s on it instead of one. That way people will look at me and be left wondering whether I’m a fan of the Nazis, or I just really like steamboats.
A lot of people say that the future isn’t going to be like Star Trek; however, I have proof that they are wrong. Next Generation, of course, aired back in the early 90’s, when the internet was still little more than a cardboard box full of Duck Hunt cartridges in Al Gore’s basement of solitude. And yet, the following are actual quotes from Data in Episode 16, Season 3: “LOL, the third crosslink transfer series is complete.” “That is a complex question, LOL.” “You are truly becoming sentient, LOL.” “What are your wishes? LOL” “LOL, put him down!” Yet again, we have clear proof that Gene Roddenberry anticipated not only the technology of the 21st Century, but also the geeky net lingo.
The next Harry Potter movie really ought to be called “Snapes on a Plane”.
