During the cold war, the Army developed nuclear landmines capable of causing a ten kiloton explosion. They were to be buried around
I wanted to paint a shark face on my van, to symbolize its ferocity and vulnerability to attacks by Richard Dreyfuss, but upon further inspection, I discovered that the front wheels are set in a way highly detrimental to the depiction of shark faces. However, I did a bit more research and found that there is one deep sea creature that would work: the humpback whale, because it’s got that weirded out wiggedy, over the face, flip top head. Not only would this imply that my van is capable of cruising the highways while simultaneously straining billions of interstate krill through its mighty baleen, but it would also be a visible testament to the fact that Star Trek IV was totally sweet.
Why does Batman not have a Bateaux? It’s like the one vehicle specially named to fit with his theme, and he chose something else like the Batdinghy.
Why do Dennis the Menace’s parents keep letting him come to dinner parties? I mean, every single time they have someone over, Dennis makes sure to bring up whatever snarky thing his parents said about the guest in question (which is of course completely avoiding the issue of what kind of people his folks must be to talk trash about literally everyone who they invite over for supper). Seriously Mr. and Mrs. The Menace, if you don’t like your boss, then you’d best keep your kid locked upstairs, because otherwise we’ll all get treated to a one panel strip of your son saying with all innocence, “Why ain’t you dressed like a bitch? Cause my dad you’s always actin’ like one!”
On a similar note, maybe Mr. Wilson ought to just take his phone off the hook at night, since it seems like he gets about three one in the morning calls a week from the human ferret next door.
If you really want to mess with people, next time you’re out, take a magic marker into a public restroom and write something on the walls like, “You know what? Jews aren’t so bad after all.” Or “For a deep philosophical discussion on the cultural implications of the lesser known works of Geoffrey Chaucer, call Becky at 555-8372.”
I think it’s really dangerous to get one of those “Hey, I’m an Organ Donor!” license plates, because if the guy behind you needs a new kidney and is tired of waiting for the system to work, you could find yourself in the middle of a most unfortunate “accident”.
I’m glad that if they had to remake just one Charleton Heston movie with Marky Mark, that it was Planet of the Apes, because if they’d tried such shenanigans with The Ten Commandments, I’m pretty sure divine wrath would have been in order.
How does 7-11 get away with making their motto that “Oh thank heaven…” thing without getting sued by atheists and other non-Christian folk. Watch, now that I’ve pointed it out, I’ve gone and jinxed them on it; in a couple of weeks you’ll be driving by and see one with a big sign that says, “Oh, thank Allah for my 72 virgins and 7-11” which will actually be kind of an improvement, so far as catchiness goes.
