If you asked me which tribe of Israel was my favorite based solely upon their contribution to the art of sandwich making, I think I’d have to go with the Tribe of Reuben.

            So, in Norway recently, some people were out on one of those whale-watching cruises, and they saw a whale, out cruising all majestically whilst straining jillions of krill and nachos from the frigid arctic seas, and some other boat just came by and shot it, like, right there in front of the tour boat.  Seriously though, if you had told me they had drive-by shootings in Norway, I probably would have suspected something like this.

            If Marvin Gaye was looking to do a greatest hits album, he would be both wise and hilarious to call it “Totally Gaye”.

            The worst people in the world are the ones who run the Paralympics.  Not that it isn’t cool to do athletic competitions for the wheelchair-bound, but you shouldn’t name your organization anything that includes the word “limp” when dealing with the disabled.  Really, not since the Jewlympics back in the 50s has an Olympic spinoff been so crassly named.

            When I’m President of the World (now taking campaign donations!) I’m going to legally add an X to the spelling of espresso, so that all the world shall have to say it the way that my brain always wants to.

            I was always disappointed that in Oregon Trail, when someone in your family died, you didn’t get an extra 50 pound of food (or slightly less if they died of malnutrition).  Also, that when you shot buffalo, they’d flip over and stick their legs in the air; this rarely happens in real life.

            In other news, I am no longer allowed near the wildlife section at Maymont.

            I saw the most ominous billboard for a hospital ever the other day.  It had this really intense-looking doctor on it, and the words, “It’s your health; choose wisely”.  Seriously, sometime the medical industry gets just a bit too cutthroat for me..

            Not that it’s my place to mention it, but if Canada would make the Dudley Do Right song their national anthem, they’d get so much more military respect from us violent ass-kicking nations.

            Those Kryptonite brand bike chains are the most dishonestly marketed things ever.  They’re not real kryptonite, it’s just that Superman hasn’t stolen your bike because of all the superheroes in the world; he has the least desire for a bicycle.  Except for Fat Lazy Couch Potato Lad, he’s not really into the whole bike stealing scene either.  And even if Superman did want to steal your bike, all he’d have to do is stand a safe distance away and melt the chain with his heat vision, or throw Jimmy Olsen at it.

            Just once, I’d like to see a villain just accept the fact that bullets just bounce off Superman without feeling the need to try it and see for himself.  Though no the other hand, it does always look pretty cool, so if you were about to be caught anyway, you might as well get to see for yourself.  Which begs the question: if you shoot Superman, does it count as attempted murder?  I mean, it’s not like anyone realistically thought he’d die, so at most it ought to count as assault, though even then, it’s kind of a flimsy charge.  I’d probably have to go with littering myself.

            If lead can stop the radiation from kryptonite, why doesn’t Superman just sew a bunch of it into his suit?  It isn’t like the extra weight would slow him down.

            Why is it that in movies, whenever someone has a large column or something falling towards them, they always run directly away from it, instead of just stepping slightly off to the side?  That’s why lumberjacks are rarely in action films, because they deal with that kind of thing everyday, and rob the situation of all its drama by just heading in a completely different direction altogether.